J. Jean ’72 —

When I began to love True Father, to learn about his life and understand his teachings, I had many dreams about him. In one I was at one of True Father’s speeches—and the scene was so typical, with its round “chicken- dinner” tables crammed into a generic hotel ballroom. The only difference here was a bug-eyed Samurai who jumped out of his seat, screamed incoherently, brandished a long sharp sword over his head, and started to chase me around all the tables. I could still hear Father speaking strongly, and I knew my aim was to just stay in the room, just keep Father in ear-shot—oh, and not get slaughtered. I woke up knowing that if I could maintain that spirit of connectiveness to True Father in the face of danger, and do so in my everyday life, I would be inheriting an amazing attribute from my True Father.

Another time, during the seven day fast I did to prepare for my Blessing, I had an extremely vivid, tactile dream about True Father. He was facing me, very close, and putting in my mouth a bungee cord—the kind used for flower fundraising, the kind with metal hooks at each end. I gritted my molars on the cord while he yanked fiercely at each hook. He stared hard into my eyes and half smiled. I wouldn’t say he was impressed that I didn’t let go, but he did seem to be thinking, “Good. . . good. . . !” And, he wasn’t just testing my mettle, I feel, he was wanting me to be like him—to sink my teeth into what he gives me, whether heavenly love or heavenly learning, and never let go.

Later, while I was active in CARP, I was given the opportunity to atone for my spiteful actions against men and marriage by speaking multiple times at Pure Love Alliance (PLA) rallies in America, Korea, and Japan. These rallies promoted True Father’s ideology of Absolute Sex and Absolute Love. This speaking out literally and tangibly cleared my heart, voice, mind, and soul of the dark hate for all men that I’ve always carried from female ancestors as close as my own mother who, among other abuses, suffered from a severe rape experience. I was even able to speak at a major press conference during my Blessing at RFK in 1997 where I could testify directly and openly to True Father’s awesomeness, and talk about my confidence in True Father and my gratitude to him for introducing me to my beloved husband Sebastien. Without speaking out for True Father, speaking out for the principles he stood for, I know for a fact I would not have so much of the success and love that I have now in my Blessing.

When my husband and I found out that True Father had passed into the spirit world we asked each other, “What were you doing at that moment?” It turns out we were both talking, though separately and to different people, about how we were going to share our particular art forms with folks in ways that create True Father’s vision of the culture of heart, that help create Chun Il Guk. We both felt inexplicably teary and pained during our conversations with these other people, and we couldn’t explain it to ourselves at the time. Now we know why. Now we’ve put on the blinders—we’re looking straight ahead, going forward with our plans and dedicating every effort to our beloved Father.

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